14 September 2012 22 Comments

Transforming Your Relationships

Have you ever asked yourself how your relationship with yourself is going?  I mean, how do you feel about you?   Are you a refuge for yourself or do you abandon your own sinking ship?  Most people NEVER consider that the relationship they are having with themselves is the source of their conflict with their partner.  So, if you are interested in transforming your relationships, change how you connect with yourself and all of your relationships will change as well.

I am really talking about  self-acceptance.  Many parents, while very well-intentioned, may have been critical or judgmental to their kids.  Then their kids grow up internalizing these criticisms and form negative beliefs about themselves.  This complicates their ability to love themselves or anyone else and then they project (put the feelings they have about themselves onto someone else) these feelings onto their partner.  To make matters worse, because they cannot see that these are feelings they have about themselves (I am stupid, crazy etc) they claim that their partner is stupid or crazy.  So, if you want to transform your relationships, stop making your partner the bad guy and start healing your own wound of not being good enough.

For the past few years, I have led a 4-week group entitled, “I Love Me ” where we discuss old, ingrained negative beliefs and reframe them with self-acceptance. For example, say that you think you are boring.  Now say, “It’s perfectly o.k if I’m boring and it’s no big deal.”  This is the beginning of loving yourself.  When you can do that, suddenly your partner looks a whole lot better!

If what you have read is helpful to you, please don’t hesitate to call me  at: 847.491.1111 or e.mail me at : nanlcsw@gmail.com for individual, couples or group counseling. I am happy to answer your questions. Feel free to offer my article to others. I do this as a free service to promote relational healing.