Six Ways to Find Relationship Sanity During the Corona Virus
Love in the time of Corona is challenging. Many of us are used to connecting with our significant others a few times a day but it’s the rare couple that faces face- to -face contact all day. Now, that you are staying in, it is important to find ways to stay happy and sane in your relationship.
1. While your partner is an important part of your life, don’t forget that looking at yourself is the gold standard in a thriving relationship. Given that happiness IS an inside job, do some self-reflecting before speaking. Ask yourself if what you are going to say is empathic, kind, or even worth bringing up. Remember that many folks during this Corona crisis are irritable due to fear and uncertainty and are more likely to take it out on their partner. If you do get into an argument, make sure that you repair any hurt feelings. If you don’t know how to do this, seek couples counseling.
2. Make sure that you both have your own private space around your home. Even if you have tight quarters, create boundaries for yourself so you have enough personal space. Divide rooms up, if necessary or use headphones to feel separate. For those with larger homes, set clear rules (once you decide what you want) about when your partner can join you and when you need them to honor your privacy.
3. Stay connected to friends and couples through certain apps like FaceTime, Zoom, Google Hangouts or just call them on your cell. Have a virtual meal with these people so you are not just interacting with your partner. Other people can stimulate conversation and interests. And you will feel less isolated as a couple.
4. In between hand washing and sanitizing, hold hands, hug, kiss or make love as long as both you and your partner agree to this. We are wired from birth for attachment to other humans and, if you’re lucky enough to have found a great partner, use this connection for fun and self-regulation. Attachment to someone you love is calming and life-affirming.
5. Make a plan for what will happen should one of you get ill. If you process this BEFORE the crisis occurs, you are more likely to handle the challenges of sickness better. If this is too hard to discuss, perhaps mention that to each other. At least it will be out on the table.
6. Try to get on the same page about disinfecting and social distancing. Respect your partner’s right to feel and be safe even if you don’t agree with their thinking. Don’t put your partner in harm’s way just because you disagree. Put their safety up there with yours.
If you are in an abusive relationship, you can call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233). It may turn out to be a lifeline for you. If you are not ready to leave your partner and he/she they refuse to go to couples counseling, consider individual counseling for yourself. A good therapist can teach you simple ways to empower yourself at home. Many therapists have shifted to remote counseling which can be just as powerful as an office session.
Finally, please be well and stay safe. Your relationship, if it’s a good one, can help you through this troubled time more than you know.
Nancy Simon, is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker in Evanston, Illinois. For almost thirty years, she has been counseling people in relationships; both singles and couples. She would be happy to work with you remotely at this time. To schedule a free consultation, please visit: www.nancysimontherapy.com.
