4 June 2013 Comments Off on WHEN YOUR SPOUSE HAS A.D.D


When your spouse has A.D.D. (Attention Deficit Disorder), you know how it can complicate any relationship. Despite your emotional commitment or deep love for this person, you may feel angry and confused much of the time. You may even think they are child-like and irresponsible. But if you try to understand that their brain is the issue and not them, you may be more forgiving. Perhaps in the past you have criticized them for not putting their dirty socks in the hamper or leaving their dishes in the sink. Or you are impatient every time they lose their cell phone. How about all that time they spend on their computer, iPad or the Discovery Channel? When your spouse has A.D.D. their brain is constantly scanning for stimulation and, ironically, they need these stimulating devices to stay calm and balanced. Their brain is in a constant state of over-drive so they are not interested in slowing down, being romantic or giving you a lot of attention. Their brain can’t do it. But what you can do is realize that their behavior doesn’t reflect how interesting they find you or how deeply they love you. Rather than getting angry at their limitations, try to understand that when your spouse has A.D.D., he or she is doing the best they can. Most people with ADD have spent years hearing how stupid, lazy or under-achieving they are so many already struggle with self-esteem issues daily. Every time you accept their behaviors or are patient with them you actually foster healing for them. So what’s in it for you? Well, you partner is undoubtedly very dynamic, exceedingly intelligent, interesting to talk with and maybe even a dear soul. So be patient. You probably don’t have the wrong partner; just the wrong ideas about how to cope. If you found this helpful, free to e.mail me at:nanlcsw@gmail.com to schedule an appointment or call me at 847.491.1111. There is hope for your relationship. Don’t hesitate to offer my article to others. I do this as a free service to promote relational health.